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If you’re suicidal, don’t seek answers in self-help

Kirstin Bebell
4 min readJun 6, 2023

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I describe myself as an anti-self-help writer. I’m not opposed to self-help in principle. But we need to be cautious about recommending self-help as an antidote to suicidal ideation.

Self-help puts all the pressure on you.

Firstly, self-help places the onus of improving “the problem”, whatever that may be, on the self. Self-help’s focus on the individual creates a continual regenerating loop wherein the suffering “self” is admonished or encouraged to improve the same “self”. This can reinforce the sense that the “self” is not good enough; otherwise there would be no need for self-help and self-improvement.

Photo by Paul Harris on Unsplash

Contrary to that narrative, many people struggling with suicidality are incredibly strong and resilient. They may be facing obstacles that are crushing, systemic, and unrelenting. Facing that kind of pressure and acknowledging that it kinda makes your life not worth living may actually represent good logic.

Self-help isn’t the answer.

What if the problem is the system, not you?

Secondly, self-help does little to counteract systemic factors that may be contributing to suicidality because of the focus on the single individual, rather than on something that might affect…

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Kirstin Bebell
Kirstin Bebell

Written by Kirstin Bebell

I write for the suicidal. Anti-self-help, suicide & society, and a few other bits and pieces.

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